1. Why did you release your entire journal as a book?     
    
Because the world deserves it. I have an amazing fan base, you know. They’re very loyal, and they wanted to know what was happening on those days when I didn’t blog. I was journaling, just not putting it all online. I saved the best of myself for the book.

2. Any special lady kitties in your life right now?     
    
What’s the point? I’m not exactly equipped to make them happy, you know. What’s with that, anyway? What could possibly possess People to have that removed from a kitty? I’m willing to bet they’d never do it to themselves...though I’ve seen a few who probably should.

3. Are you a political animal?

Again, what’s the point? It’s not like they’ll let me vote. At first I thought that was because of my age, but you know what? It's all based on speciism. I can't vote simply because I'm a cat. And that's wrong, man. I have no representation.

4. What did you think of the Presidential race?

No worse than the rest of the Human Race, I suppose.

5. Were you for Bush?

I’m always in favor of a good bush. From what I can tell from looking out the windows, a bush is a good place to hide from birds and Sticky Little People. And a good place to poop.

6. You often lament not having opposable thumbs. What would you do if you woke up tomorrow with them?

There are about 50 cans of Stinky Goodness under the kitchen sink. What do you think I’d do???

7. Would you stay with your People if the miraculous event occurred?

Hey, someone has to pay for all the Stinky Goodness. The Man does a nice job of that, and I think he should keep it. In fact, I think he'd be hurt if he was no longer needed to provide for me. 

8. So you’re not going to buy massive quantities of Stinky Goodness with your royalties?

I got a kitty crack habit, man…

9. What about the People—will you share the royalties with them?

Are you on crack…?

10. Any truth to the innuendo in your book about the Woman’s drug problem?

Dude…you should see it. Every freaking night she pops a bunch of pills and she shoots up. Now she says it’s “medicine,” but come on… She’s got this set routine: pills at 9 p.m.—she even sets an alarm to remind her, like the massive withdrawal pains wouldn’t do that—and then just before she goes to bed she both snorts stuff and shoots up. Oh, and damn, first thing in the morning. I shit you not, she rolls out of bed and heads for the drugs. And none of them look as good as kitty crack.

11. Are you really as destructive as you seem to be? Your book makes it sound like you enjoy ripping up tissue and TP.

It’s art, man. Redecorating. I could do an entire freaking show on HGTV. Devine Feline Design. Give me a roll of good two-ply, and I can create wonder.

12. Have you ever considered running for office?

You didn’t really read the book, did you? Dude, I spend all day running for the office. And from it. Back and forth, all damned day. It’s where the Woman spends most of her time, so if I want the use of her opposable thumbs, to the office I must go. I could walk, but the running at full tilt seems to annoy her. And that amuses me.

13. She spends all day in the office?

Pretty much. She’s supposedly “working” but I think she just surfs online for porn.

14. Porn?

(leans forward) Kitty porn, man. I tell you, she’s sick.

15. Have you managed to get any of the outside cats to talk to you yet?

Bunch of stuck up pussies. No. They sit outside my window and just stare. Now I know I’m beautiful, but come on! Say something!

16. Perhaps they’re intimidated?

Maybe. Or they’re just jealous. There I am, inside where it’s warm and there’s food and water and a litter box and several beds to nap upon…yeah, I’d be jealous if I was them. But they could at least say hello.

17. Thoughts on other famous cats? Or even dogs?

Garfield is fairly close to real cat life, but kind of lame in its delivery. Probably because he got stuck with such a loser for his Staff. And whatever happened to that grossly sweet kitten? Nermal? Did Garfield finally off the little pest?    

Mutts are cute in a gag-me sort of way; that’s not a bad thing, just not my bag. Though I would like a little pink sock of my own. A little pink sock filled with kitty crack.
     
Lassie…holy crap. They drugged that poor dog, they had to. “Timmy’s down the well? Good dog!” Did no one stop to think that the bitch pushed Timmy down the well and then felt guilty so she went for help?     

Not so famous, but really cool cats—The Mows. I only know them from online, but I check up on them every day.     

Now Bucky from Get Fuzzy. Bucky is my hero. He’s another feline god, I tell you.

18. You write a bit about how much you enjoy singing. Any plans to pursue that professionally?
    
Nah. People have no sense of musical taste. I hear the crap people listen to. That’s not music. It’s pre-packaged formulaic crap. It all sounds the same. It’s either teenage girls lip-synching, or teenage boys trying harmonize, or people trying to rap. Who Let The Dogs Out? I’ll tell you who let the freaking dogs out. Their Staff did! Their Staff was tired of the “woof, woof woof woof,” and just pushed them out the damned door.

If I ever think that People will truly appreciate my music, especially my Songs At 3 a.m., maybe then…

19. Are there plans for a sequel to your book?

Depends on the sales numbers, I suppose. The publisher says if I can manage 10,000 direct sales I can write any damn thing I want and it’ll go to print.

20.Any advice for other cat writers out there?

Yeah. Don’t publish until my book goes out of print. I don’t need the competition. I need 10,000 freaking direct sales. Yeah, I’m not above pimping myself. Ten Thousand, Peoples. You have credit cards. Whip ‘em out and buy copies for everyone you know. Hell, if I could sell that many, not only would I consider giving the People a little something, I'd even consider sharing with a charity. Some kitty charity. Yeah.